Holy Fucking Ass Crackers, Batman!!!

2009-02-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

Wow. That's all I can say. I haven't touched this blog in almost a full year; my, my how the time can fly. I guess it's easy to lose track of time when you have a full-time shit job and a full-time school schedule plus all the great time consuming video games that have come out since then and now. Now that the shit job is gone and I am on holiday from school for the semester I guess I will have much more time for adding posts. Since I find blogs a waste of time I will only type up posts while at work in the dead time that we tend to have. Blogging is a waste of good sleep and video game time so I will never do this shit at home. No spank-you! For all you Facebookies who insist I join them insted of Blogspot, please just stop. Come on, it took me almost a year to update this place and why would I want to take the time and effort to attempt another blog. If you want to read my posts and make comments I'm afraid you'll just have to take those extra 2.5 seconds to burn that fraction of a calorie that it takes to type in my blog's URL. If you can't manage that then we have a problem; or rather you're just really fucking lazy and should probably fix that. Or not, I don't give a shit.

Zero Punctuation

2008-05-12T19:51:00.000-07:00

If you have never heard of or ever watched a video review by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, or if you dislike his reviews then feel free to place an abundance of razor blades in your mouth and have someone kick you in the jaw. His video review/articles for video games are titled Zero Punctuation and can be located on the website for the escapist magazine. I have also embedded one of his reviews on my page. Enjoy. He is great. Enough said.
***WARNING: Contains explicit language such as the f*ck word.***

F*ck the Bandwagon

2008-05-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

I know, I know; the mere idea of me "blogging" goes entirely against all I have ever stood for and represented on the Internet. First off, I hate the Internet. Sure, it's got countless hours of free porn that can be watched at the click of a button; I can pass time by cruising on over to addictinggames.com and playing the most hardcore game of "Spank the Monkey" that this world has ever seen; send a sweet birthday e-card to my mother; or even purchase a new video game or movie at half the cost of retail. It would take a complete fool to deny the aforementioned list of activities as wonderful and fascinating capabilities at our fingertips. I, not being a fool, shall not deny them their rightful title of "Teh 1337ness".

However, that's just it. I hate what the Internet has become. Scratch that. I hate what the users have done to the Internet. I can't even begin to describe how much I loathe the very idea of a blog and its complete meaninglessness. There are so many people that spend countless hours on their computers typing away about their mediocre lives fantasizing away about all the people that are going to read their posts and leave feedback. I cannot believe the level of addiction this has actually had on the morons in this world. I've known people that act like they're going into detox if they haven't checked their MySpace page in the last hour. I'm not sh*tting you; they literally get the shakes and start scratching at their skin. Let's not forget what it's done to our language (see 1337ness reference above). Apparently it's acceptable for people to verbally say "LOL" in our society and that half assed form of typing, such as spelling skate with the number 8 in it (sk8 in case you are new to the interweb) just drives me bonkers. People today actually spend time learning to type then go on and spend more time learning how to type sh*tty. If you were to look up the definition of the word blog you would find almost every result referring to it as an online journal/diary. I understand journals. I understand them completely and stand behind them 100%. Writing in a journal is therapeutic for it helps you vent things that are hard to discuss and helps you keep track of events in your life which is why so many psychologists recommend it when your life turns to sh*t. You write Private things in your journal that you would think (but never say) and no one is supposed to read it. That's why it your job to try and hide it and it's everyone Else's job to locate the journal and use its contents to blackmail you (like the time your mother found your journal underneath the bed and read all about how often you cry yourself to sleep, hence why she refers to you as a whiny little b*tch). Yet, the fact that you are on the Internet poses as an excuse to pour your heart and soul into a blog entry that you would normally write in a private journal and the whole world gets to read about how often you cry yourself to sleep you whiny little b*tch. It's always tripe that you should keep to yourself 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% percent of the time.

But I digress. The Internet and blogs especially help me feel better about myself because all you c*ntbags seem to have lives so pathetic that even Carrot Top would agree with me when I say "that's sad". I'm sure any of you that have read this posting have been asking yourselves "why are you making a blog then?" because you could say that I'm being hypocritical and I'd have to say that I agree with you. I don't truly think that all blogs are bad; in fact I have read some very entertaining ones. It has to have a point. Blogs can make for a great way to get written articles and stories out there and even potentially noticed by the right people (at the same time there's so much in the Internet that the likelihood of you getting noticed by someone who would want to pay you for your ideas is as unlikely as Paris Hilton passing a 2nd grade math class). I'm not saying that what I'm going to be placing on my site will be original or even the most entertaining thing you've ever read; it will, however, stay away from the meaningless boo-hoo moments of my life that no one gives a flying rat's ass about. I may not update often. You may find me too vulgar or offensive. Yet, if even one person responds with an LOL then I'll know I made someone laugh.

My name's Corvus and I'll be seeing you all around.

PS. If you respond or post a comment (especially if you're trying to criticize or argue) you better make damn sure you type like a human being. Not like a retarted chimpanzee that's attempting to eat the keyboard.

Just Add Water

Holy Fucking Ass Crackers, Batman!!!

Zero Punctuation

F*ck the Bandwagon